On the left and right sides of the Coat of Arms are badgers facing each
other, both of which hold flagpoles flying the Shalampaxian flag. After
a careful review of the coats of arms of the first two countries that we
found through a Google search, we noticed that 100% of them used animals
in these positions. This led us to believe that it was some sort of international
standard. We were too lazy to bother to confirm that, so we decided to
include a couple of badgers and be done with it.
Why badgers? We used badgers because the Republic of Shalampax is unique, so we wanted to use an animal that no other country uses or is ever likely to use on its coat of arms. That disqualified lions, tigers, eagles, bears, baboons and a whole bunch of other animals. Let's face it, the best creatures are already taken or will be soon.
To solve this problem, we found an extensive list of animals and went down it alphabetically. In addition to being unlikely to be used by another country, we insisted that the animal that we chose had to look cute and had to be able to be pictured standing up without the picture inspiring too much derision. In the A's alone, that eliminated aardvarks, agoutis, alpacas, amoebas, anacondas, anemones, ants and armadillos. To make a long story short, the first animal we found in our alphabetical search was the badger.
The fact that no badgers live within Shalampax's boundaries didn't bother us. No animals, other than us humans, have ever been able to survive in Shalampax for more than about 25 minutes, so it might as well be badgers as any other creature.
Some time after adopting our Coat of Arms, someone pointed out that, in addition to being the name of an animal, "badger" also means "to pester someone." Despite the fact that pestering people figures prominently in the Shalampax rendition of the song My Favorite Things, we felt that it was not the image we wanted to present to the rest of the world. We would have substituted another animal except for one problem. Some people have referred to Shalampaxians as frugal, but we prefer the more common epithet, "the cheapest god damn bastards on the face of the planet." The long and the short of it is that we had already paid the graphic designer who created our Coat of Arms and she wanted to charge extra to change it. We refused and kept the badgers.
Why are the badgers holding flagpoles flying the Shalampaxian flag? What a stupid question! What the hell else would they be holding? This is the Republic of Shalampax after all. If there's one thing we hate worse than outsiders, it's outsiders with stupid questions. Smarten up.
Other coat of arms elements: