- Why did Shalampax bother to set up a Web site if it doesn't welcome tourists?
- We hope to increase our GDP through advertising on the site and by selling
souvenirs, trinkets and trash in our Web store.
- What is the derivation of the name Shalampax?
- Prior to our learning to speak or write anything that could rationally
be considered to be a language we didn't call our little island nation
anything. We struggled through our pitiful little lives and never worried
about it. Because we had no contact with other nations, it really didn't
Shalampax was the name given to our country by Marie, the woman who, in
1952, taught us English, our first language. Marie loved our peaceful philosophy.
(In truth, it wasn't a philosophy at all. We are way too lazy to fight
amongst ourselves and we don't have the means to attack another country
even if we had the inclination to do so.) The first part of the name, "Shalam"
is a cross between English transliterations of the Hebrew and Arabic words
for peace; shalom and salaam respectively. For good measure, to ensure
that no one missed the point, she added the Latin word for peace, pax,
onto the end.
- What became of Marie?
- When she left, all Shalampaxians were glad to see the last of her and we
didn't care what became of Marie. (See history.) Nonetheless, we did learn that she miraculously (Paahlm be praised —
see religion) survived her escape from our island by boat. She reached the shores of
California and started the hippie movement. She later launched an enterprise
that became the biggest competitor to our cult businesses. (See economy.)
- Why do Shalampaxians all have such bizarre names?
- Jeez, you're lazier than we are. Look around. The answer is on this site.
Hint: We don't wait until they're adults to name people. A name is something
that we give to the children we rear.
- How can I arrange to vacation in Shalampax?
- Haven't you been paying attention? You can't. We don't allow outsiders onto our island. Don't even think about it. You wouldn't like it anyway. We're not very easy to get along with. Don't take it personally. It's us, not you. Can't we just be long-distance friends?
- How can we contact a government official in Shalampax?
- You could try sending an e-mail to email@example.com, but we almost never look at that mailbox and, because of all of the spam,
we delete most email without looking at it. (Isn't the internet grand?)
If that doesn't discourage you, you can still try, but don't be surprised
when we don't respond for weeks, if ever.
© Copyright Klebanoff Associates, Inc. and Joel Klebanoff, 2007-2012. All rights reserved.
Shalampax and Shalampaxian are trademarks of Klebanoff Associates, Inc.