Republic of Shalampax
An Inane Island in an Insane World


The phrase "Shalampaxian film industry" is a bit misleading because our "filmmakers'" works never see celluloid. They go straight to DVD. The reasons for this media choice are our building (see architecture) is not big enough for a cinema and fire regulations prohibit the storage of flammable film anywhere other than in one of the fire-protected rooms (the library and communal kitchens) in our building. (See architecture.) What's more, even if we had all of the money in the world, we couldn't pay any foreign theater enough to convince it to screen anything that came out of our island, so producing movies on film would be pointless. Besides, many theaters are going digital, making it much easier for us to pirate other people's films and pass them off as our own.

Shalampaxian cinematographers work exclusively in the cinéma vérité style. They achieve this effect by picking up a camera and following people around uninvited. Shooting continues uninterrupted during the subjects' private moments. The flick invariably ends when the subjects become infuriated and beat the crap out of the cameraperson. The camera is left rolling during the thrashing to add excitement to the movie—something that would otherwise be totally lacking as we are all remarkably boring people.

Our cinematographers use only raw footage in their flicks. There is no editing and each motion picture is composed of only one incredibly long shot. This technique serves two purposes. First, it provides a gritty, real-world signature feel for all Shalampaxian movies. Second, it satisfies our cinematographers' desires to put as little effort as possible into their work.

Shalampaxian films don't generate much revenue, but they have achieved a certain notoriety among the intelligentsia and the bohemian crowds in New York and Paris.
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© Copyright Klebanoff Associates, Inc. and Joel Klebanoff, 2007-2012. All rights reserved.
Shalampax and Shalampaxian are trademarks of Klebanoff Associates, Inc.