Republic of Shalampax
An Inane Island in an Insane World
 

Music

If you've spent any time perusing this site (if not, why not?) you'll already know that the dominant traits exhibited by all Shalampaxians are indolence and miserliness. As a result of these qualities, the only musical instruments we use are spoons pilfered from the kitchen and kazoos. (No, we didn't buy the kazoos. It's out of character for any of us to dig that deep into our pockets for non-essential items. The kazoos unexpectedly washed up on our shores one day.)

We're not a very creative sort, so we plagiarize other people's scores and pass them off as our own. The only attempt at performing locally written music frightened off all birds and fish, our only native wildlife. It was months before they summoned up the courage to return.

Due to the unique acoustic qualities of our building (see architecture), anyone who sings, hums or plays the spoons or kazoo or makes any other attempt at performing or playing music aloud is likely to find himself or herself immediately subjected to repeated beatings and thrashings about the head and neck. All and sundry throughout Shalampax will eagerly join in the administration of this punishment. Thus, with the exception of recorded or broadcast music played through sound-insulating, noise-cancelling headphones, all music is performed outdoors. Because it rains almost nonstop, there aren't many concerts here.
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© Copyright Klebanoff Associates, Inc. and Joel Klebanoff, 2007-2012. All rights reserved.
Shalampax and Shalampaxian are trademarks of Klebanoff Associates, Inc.