Republic of Shalampax
An Inane Island in an Insane World


You can't take a hint no matter how blatant, can you? We've made it quite clear — even on our home page — that we don't welcome visitors. In the hope that nobody would find it, we buried the sole link to this page deep on a page about our economy. Yet here you are, wasting your time reading about non-existent tourism in Shalampax.

Suprisingly, we do have a tourism slogan, but we adopted it only to get rid of an annoying marketing consultant who called and threatened to pay us a sales visit unless we followed his advice to adopt a slogan. Here's what we came up with: "Don't even think of visiting Shalampax. You wouldn't like it and, to be totally honest, we wouldn't like you." Yes, we know it's a bit long for a slogan, but it gets the message across and does a good job of positioning Shalampax in its target market.

Here's an idea for those of you who are utterly convinced that it's romantic and exciting to visit inhospitable places. Buy some Shalampax postcards from our Web store. (The same cards, which don't include either our flag or our Coat of Arms, are available in both the flag and Coat of Arms shops.) Buy some Shalampax stamps too; you can legitimately use them in the U.S. Mail the cards to your friends and relatives. They will be green with envy thinking that you were one of the very few people in the world to have visited us.

It's ironic that your friends should turn green with envy because green is the hue that was quickly assumed by the skin of the exceptionally few people who really have visited Shalampax. Their color had nothing to with envy. It was a result of not spending enough time here to build up an immunity to our culinary delights.

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© Copyright Klebanoff Associates, Inc. and Joel Klebanoff, 2007-2012. All rights reserved.
Shalampax and Shalampaxian are trademarks of Klebanoff Associates, Inc.